Pastor’s Blog

Last night my clergy group (one guy from Central Texas Conference, two guys from North Texas Conference, and two women from Southwest Texas Conference) spent the night at the pastor’s retreat house on Will and Ricki Davies’ property. 

This house is the result of a vision that was confirmed by God. The confirmation took the form of a white dove that landed on their property and just hung around for a while. The congregation has been working hard on this house.  Folks have been traveling out to the house to help with putting up walls and wiring and cleaning and the Davies’ gift of hospitality shown so bright last night.

We felt welcomed. We felt like it was okay for us to hang out in that space and just be the clergy people that we were.  And I was so grateful — so very grateful. Because I know that one of the reasons that everyone pushed so hard in the last weeks was to make sure it was ready for this meeting.  I am humbled and grateful that so many of my fellow Rockers would work so hard to make this possible.  I am so grateful, so humbled.  

Right now I think I’ll go pay attention to band practice because immersing myself in the JOY of practice will help me process the joy of the honor of being the first clergy group to stay at this place.

This morning I was walking to the postbox to put some letters in the mail.  To get to the box I have to walk through a fairly new neighborhood. Constructed in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s these homes are mostly brick, mostly two story.

And, as I walked I was noticing that they all had these big, garages with bright doors.  But most of the time their front doors — the doors meant for people to come into the house — were not so easy to see. They were hidden or set into the house and surrounded by a porch making the front door seem more like the opening to a cave then somewhere that says, “please come in!”

The garages doors are what you notice first about these houses.  And it occurred to me that these houses really are built to look like fortresses.  It’s hard to find the way in and once you get to the door you almost expect to have to use a password to get inside.  And I think that’s how modern neighborhoods are designed. I’m not expert on architecture but it seems to me that a neighborhood that’s full of homes where you can’t see the front door and where you can drive in and out of your house without ever having to touch the street doesn’t really foster interaction between the humans that live in houses that are side by side – or with the rest of creation that might be handing around outdoors.

As I was reading through Scripture today I was reading in Matthew — chapter 12 where Jesus notices someone with a withered hand and heals them — even though it’s the Sabbath.  Jesus says that our job is to me mercy in the world — even on our days of rest.  And I started thinking… if we live in neighborhoods where we drive in and out of our houses protecting ourselves from anyone who might need something from us…how would we even notice someone with a withered hand?  And if we had a withered hand how would anyone see to help us out?

Fortresses do a great job of protecting us.  But Jesus doesn’t talk a lot about making sure we protect ourselves — in fact quite the opposite. 

Today I went to Trinity United Methodist Church with Bill and Eric Carter because they had a “share time” during worship to remember Bob Carter (Bill’s dad). Bob was an ordained pastor although he never served Trinity as a pastor. He joined Trinity in the mid 1990’s when he moved to Austin Texas.  And today we heard from folks at Trinity about what they loved about Bob and what they were going to miss. It was awesome to hear how Bob had had an affect on so many lives in that room.  I was grateful that we were there.

During worship they had a time where they played a jazzy tune and everyone got up to dance.  And Eric loved that part of worship — he got up and showed off his dance king skills. And Bill and I smiled.  Several people got up and danced with their partners — twirling around in the foyer like they were on dancing with the stars.  Some folks got up and moved so poetically that to watch them made your heart sing. And some got up and moved awkwardly with no sense of movement or rhythm but also without inhibition. Some folks grabbed drumms and beat to the song (or made noises that were slightly off beat). Some folks remained seated and looked slightly embarassed.  Some folks remained seated and looked perfectly at ease.

And I found myself being quiet and smiling, I closed my eyes to feel the vibrations of worship coming up through the floor and into myself.  Those vibrations represented the willing and the unwilling participants in the dance of worship. Because even if you remained seated your body couldn’t help but move with the dancing in worship.  Even if you weren’t comfortable, everyone’s body was drawn into that vibration — seeking God in community through dance.

It was a good day — filled with hymns from the United Methodist Hymnal and songs by Traffic (”low spark of the high heeled boys”) and James Taylor “shower the people.”  It was a good day filled with the witness of the saints to the work of God’s people.  It was a good day filled with a sermon that pointed out that we can’t get into a relationship (with God or anyone else) simply by thinking about it — we have to use our whole selves to really dive into relationship.  It was the Lord’s Day.

On Friday, March 20th I got to go to court in San Antonio. Now it’s not unusual to find pastors in courtrooms. Before you are shocked by the image of pastor’s repeatedly landing themselves in court let me say that usually we are there to support or pray for someone else.  As clergy we find ourselves going with folks who have family disputes, or who are struggling with parental rights, or who have found themselves in substance abuse situations or who have stumbled into trouble or who have deliberately made very poor choices.  And if we take Jesus’ words seriously we often will find ourselves not only in court but sometimes in jail or prison ministering to those who are inside the walls.  This is what we are called to do and we never mind traveling those paths — some of us do it better than others — but all of us are called to it.  We are used to it.

But I never get used to going to court for great reasons — because it’s so rare.  On Friday I was so grateful to be able to travel with Scott and Molly Shifflett and their family (church and biological) to San Antonio to watch the finalization of the adoption of their son, Jacob Bryan Christopher Shifflett. I feel that I can speak publicly of my participation in this awesome process because I got to watch Scott do not one but two television interviews prior to the adoption — he did a great job!  

It was amazing to be in the courtroom when the adoption was finalized. And, in Bexar County, they do “mass adoptions” so we participated in a day where 39 children found permanent homes with 21 families.  What was amazing was not only the JOY of the families but the great easiness and joy of the judges and court staff.  And it struck me that these judges and these court officers, these case workers and the district attorneys — they don’t normally get to work on adoptions. Most of their days are spent working on parental and family court issues having to do with ugly custody fights and parental right termination cases.  And so, on this day of joy their hearts were soaring.  They took so much time joking and making sure that everyone was recognized.  And it was not political at all — this recognition of every person involved in these adoptions — it was a reflection of the genuine joy of participating in redemption!

These folks get to see so much brokenness in the world that on the days when they get to see redemption and hold out the hope that their jobs in some small way participate in God’s ongoing redemption in this world they are nearly giddy.  And I was too.  

I was so grateful to get to be present at this awesome family moment, and, like the court officers, I was reminded that court is a necessity in the broken world we live in. But even in the hardest jobs God gives glimpses of the ongoing redemption being worked in the world right now.  My prayer is that more people get to catch a glimpse that awesome redemptive work and get to participate in that work of redemption!

I’ve never had the screaming blahs.  Actually it’s a little odd to think of the blahs as screaming.  Blahs seem more like they would be lurking or maybe clinging or perhaps slinking.  The blahs are those times when you do things because they need to be done, and not because you want to do them. The blahs show up at odd times and are beyond our control (although not beyond our prayer life).  The blahs are foreigners in my territory and when they’ve shown up in the past I’ve fought them vigorously.  Imagining myself engaged in a duel to the death with these blahs I’ve fought and fought.

But today I just don’t feel like fighting.  And, truth be told, in the past I think my fighting was more about wearing myself out than actually winning out against this amorphous character, “the blah.”  

Blahs are not really harmful (unless they go on endlessly producing the ever dreaded and much feared “lazies”).  Blahs aren’t really all that pleasant either though.  They are antithetical to my basic “so glad to be engaged in life” nature that they seem very very out of place.  

Today I am getting to know the blahs.  Making friends with them.  Maybe even naming them.  Today I will live peacefully with the blahs rather than fighting myself into a tired stupor.  Today I’ll see what kind of gift the blahs might have to offer.  

The other day I was at the gym, in the locker room and was recognized by someone who has been visiting our congregation.  

I must admit that I am used to folks who are NOT associated with our congregation coming up to me and saying “hi”.  Most of the time I’ve met them at an Emmaus event or maybe I’ve spoken at their church or we’ve shared space at some district workshop. But, since they aren’t associated with our congregation and I don’t spend regular time praying for them I usually don’t recognize them.

This was different.  Once she said, “oh you’re my pastor” I did recognize her. Because I had been praying for her — she was familiar to me although I don’t think we’d ever exchanged words.  I recognized her but I was still caught off guard.  I was out of context there.  

At the gym I know I’m still a pastor (I always know I’m a pastor, duh). But at the gym I am spending not very much of my time and attention attending to the humans around me.  Most of the time I am paying attention to other humans entirely in prayer or I’m dancing with ideas for worship.  And so I felt caught off guard somehow.

We ended up moving over to a local coffee house and having a marvelous conversation.  I’m glad I had that moment where I was totally out of context.  It did catch me off guard though.

There are just some things you don’t want to share when you are staring someone in the eye.  Sometimes it’s safer to chat about them on facebook, or email or via text (but probably not twitter).  It’s true that you can’t read someone’s tone of voice on email or facebook or in a text message.  But it’s also true that you can sometimes say hard things on those forums and it’s easier.  

I am all for anything that allows us to be more authentic, more open, more honest and more willing to share in community.  And so when my fellow pastors make fun of me for having a facebook page or being a fan of texting I just quietly smile and think to myself,  ”I’m willing to use whatever tools God calls me to to hear God’s people and to try and live as a faithful follower of Jesus in this time and place.”

Can I get an Amen? 

A pastor’s job is kind of weird. This week I was working in Tyler, Texas. During the day I was staying with my grandson, Dashiell Carlin Cline. But while he was sleeping I would work.  And last week I really understood how weird my job is.

I am a second career pastor. In my first career I was a consultant on scientific issues.  Eventually I became a manager. First I managed a small group of only 8 people. That transition wasn’t that hard.  I could just add the “interruptions” that happened during the day from people that I was managing and just extend my work week. So I went from 50 hour work weeks to 60 but it was manageable.

But then they asked me to manage a group of 40 folks in two offices. And then I had to change how I was functioning.  I couldn’t any longer squeeze in the interruptions as a part of my day.  I had to look at those interruptions as part of my job.  I started “managing by walking around” because I found that if I periodically wandered into folks offices when they were just working I could often find out about issues that were important but hadn’t reached crisis stages yet.  I started to change the amount of “real work” that I could do (you know — things that I could accomplish by myself without anyone else’s help).  I started looking at helping other folks figure things out as “real work” too.

I thought that was helpful when I made my transition to pastoring. Since I had already tried to convert my thinking to include people interactions and problem solving with people as “work” I figured that I would transition that understanding to pastoring. And, for the most part the transition has worked.

And then I have a week like I had last week and I think I am so far from having my attitude adjustment that it’s startling.  This week I ran into one of those reality checks.

I did have some interactions with people this week.  There were a couple of calls from folks that were in distress and some general exchanges on email and facebook. But for the most part I was person interaction free.  And I was so impressed by the amount of work I got done.

Do you hear that slip in my language?  

I only got the kind of “work” done that I could do without talking to folks. I got some sermons written, I got the confirmation class invitations written, I did some clean up work on the website.  (You get the idea).   I have a long way to go to get this “engineer/scientists brain” to the point of seeing work as cooperative, loving and interactive.  Man do I need to pray some more!

Last night I had such a vivid dream that my daughter, Maggie, was in worship.  And I woke up sad because I know that she lives far away in Buena Vista Colorado and that it would be a long long time before we were in the same space again.

But I was also looking forward to worship this morning because I was going to get to participate in worship from the sound booth as Stella Burkhalter was leading worship and Abby Parker was preaching.  As I prepared to run the slides for worship I turned around to close the door to the sound booth and I saw Maggie staring back at me.

She had taken a flight from Denver to Austin on Saturday night and will be here until her flight leaves early Thursday morning.  I was so happy — so grateful — so overwhelmed!

And tomorrow we are going to spend the morning together and then, perhaps, the afternoon too.

The interesting thing for me is that she is really lending a hand to her boyfriend’s family in Springfield, Colorado as her boyfriend’s father gets treatment for his MS.  She and her boyfriend Aaron are traveling from Buena Vista to Springfield a couple of times a month to support that family as they deal with the chemo like treatments that Aaron’s dad is trying.

And at the same time I’m traveling to El Campo a couple of times a month to help out while my friend Joyce gets chemo.  It’s interesting that we are both functioning in that way with folks that we care about.  And it’s interesting comparing notes too.

But mostly it’s delightful to have some time with my youngest daughter Maggie.  Next week, for the three days before Thanksgiving, I’ll get to spend some time with my other lovely daughter Katy.  Such a gift!  I am feeling very blessed.

On Thursday of last week I was in Sugarland, TX with my friend Joyce. While we were in the time in between her appointment with her surgeon and her chemo appointment we went to the at&t store to get Joyce an iPhone. Joyce had been worried about getting her e-mails from her home and about having to haul her laptop from place to place. The iPhone was one (of many) options that would allow her to access her e-mail and surf the web from any location.

We were in the store for two hours getting the iPhone purchased, activated, and her data ported from her old phone to her new phone. And then, right before we went to the chemo appointment we discovered that the activation wasn’t done right. She sent me back to the store to get the problem fixed while she went in for her quick appointment. I went back to the store and spent an additional 1/2 hour getting the activation issue straightened out.

We were able to stay amazingly calm through the adventure. But it meant that when my phone started freezing up and I called Sprint support who sent me to a Sprint store that I budgeted two hours for my own phone store adventure.

The recent experience with Joyce helped me to get some perspective on how those stores are run — often with one or two employees and no way to predict how many customers might show up. And, let’s face it, many people want the technology but don’t have the patience to use it or learn to use it and so those store workers end up dealing with a lot of frustrated (and so sometimes rude) people. And, it’s not like checking someone out at HEB — these transactions often take 15-30 minutes per customer.

And so, after our adventure last Thursday I had budgeted 2 hours to take care of my phone problem. I walked into the store at 1:08 and I was home (after having picked up a diet coke on my way) by 2:08. And so — I “found” an hour.

I think it might have taken less time because, by happy coincidence, there wasn’t anyone in the store. And, by happy coincidence, my problem was relatively minor. And, as a result of prayer and the actions of a faithful God, I was able to stay completely calm. (Although I admit sometimes technology stuff can get me frustrated).

I like the days when I plan for things to take longer than they do. It gives me extra time to play (or blog) and it helps me keep my pace relaxed. Those days are more productive and, on those days, I can pray more intentionally and listen to God more carefully.

I wonder if I should start radically altering my estimates so that I have more “found time”?